Tuesday, March 2, 2010
{ 11:55 PM }
i have no more energy left. i just can't do this anymore. i don't have the strength to carry on living. i just hope god will do something to make me feel better. but i don't think i deserve it anyway
i just feel like its the end of life. nth i do pleases anybody. i just am excess baggage. i dont deserve to live. should i go back to self mutilisation? no one cared b4, no one is going to care now.
it always made me feel better hurting myself. the feeling of blood flowing down your arms. the smell of the blood. the pain that you feel when the blade cuts. getting high on the blood loss.
i think there is a difference between getting hurt and feeling pain. getting hurt is most probably a bruise or a scratch kinda of feeling. but to me feeling pain always excites me. it calms me down and makes me feel that i dont need anyone else to make me feel stupid or unwanted.
i think feeling pain makes me realise that im not always going to be loved or accepted by people. like i said. no one really cared anyways. so there wont be any tragedy in me dying anyway.
crap. i just realised my tears were flowing non-stop. i guess i really have a sad life. goodnight fellow humanity.
this cruel, cruel world. when are you going to make life easier for everyone. might as well just blow up.
