Sunday, January 17, 2010
{ 11:15 PM }
currently listening to: CN Blue's cover of Drive.
current mood: still recovering.
well it really has been super duper long since ive updated and my blog has officially become dusty haha. i dont have any ides on what to write on it. school.? no. music..? no most of my music now is not for most sane humans but for overly obsessed beings haha. (i need new music) life? hah what life.? hmmmm i havent been updating this blog and the one for my class. maybe cuz i keep forgetting and ive become too busy due to schoolwork and family. haha.
i realise ive been spending so much time with my parents lately that i keep asking them to buy stuff. that is not good cuz i know only my dad works so we dont really have that much money. oh and dad got into an accident at work like a mth n a half ago. so hes been at home since then. well its still paid leave cuz it happened at work so we are grateful for that. with the result of that, we always go out to eat during my holidays and during weekends now. its good to know that my parents still think of my health. oh and i got sick twice since i was gone. once school closed and once last week. stupid. cuz i dint get to take my EMP test. mati!
being sick i was prone to getting body aches and what not. so i apparently had my pains back. after like what 2 years..? its been a hell of a ride cuz i cudnt really walk properly or sit. i had to lie down. making my way to the hospital, again doc said it was nth to worry about. it was probably pre-period pains or uneven bowel movements. but it could be also your appendix thats causing the pain. i feel like i was super screwed after i heard that. mum tells me to eat more. dad tells me to stop smoking. yes i know. but then what else can i do. im stressed out about my body ever since it started. ive been getting heavier at it and im still wondering if i can quit thoroughly or i would still be having a few sticks whenever im stressed out.
even tho finding out about the pain made me lose the part of my life that i loved the most, i still managed to bring myself up and strive to a new beginning. well now im trying not to be lazy or im trying hard to be the best at what i can do. but since the pain came back a few weeks or so ago bit by bit im starting to lose hope in life. i come back home after school. sometimes i just stay out abit more alone just to smoke a few sticks. i feel that im a failure among my own family. im a girl and i do bad things. smoke drink curse n what not. i do wanna change but then again, with my body condition like this id rather die than try and make myself happier.
seeing people who has loads of friends makes me kinda sad cuz my own friends arent really real cuz they dont talk to me much. im always excluded and stuff in class. im always by myself. i feel like my lifes a waste. but music makes me happier. esp the music that im listening to most of the time now. language barrier always can be avoided. it makes me happy cuz i get to immerse myself in the song and just be like one of those fans who worship those idols. haha. but deep in my heart i just love their music. not the fact that they are cute. that my friends is just a bonus point. their music actually has that raw talent that people keep misunderstanding. u see me as a tough cookie outside but im just a fangirl that never stops singing along to their songs. haha.
now i have to think of something to write on my other blog cuz if not i wont get the marks for it. its 10%? or more? haha. but i guess i have to stop here. i'll do the other blog some other day. cuz right now pain is overcoming my body and i cant really lift up a body part properly. and i need to be in school tmr for PRMP. hope that one i can do. haha. gonna b in school at 9. hopefully i can see him tmr. he only spoke to me once like during class uhm 3 days ago.? haha. it filled an empty spot in my life. may i write again soon. time for me to start designing. =)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
{ 1:37 PM }
currently listening to: the sound of my fan and my stomach growling.
current mood: sick and hungry.
sup. hah. im suddenly hungry again even tho i ate in school just now.. haha. damn.. i reached home at about 1 10? haha..kinda early fr me. but im feeling under the weather.. stupid uhs.. keep having migraines and shit. now im having a fever=( i shoud probably join a sport or start exercising again when i get better.. hopefully tmr i wont have to skip class.. well if i do miss it i would have mc.. haha..
school was okay i guess.. dint feel sleepy in finance this morning surprisingly even tho we were going thru accounts. haha.. my fav. gee.. 3 years take alr must take again. so sad.. nvm luhs at least gt the basics there. i went to school in the laziest attire i could find this morning. a big tee, shorts and slippers. i din even have my contacts on and i had to squint my eyes as small as possible to be able to see.. maybe thats why when i smile my eyes disappear.. haha..
damn. i wanna get apolaroid so bad.. daddy! haha. but then i nee to save up tho.. 115? i think haha... not so expensive but still im not even working.. grr.. i wanna get it so that i can take pics fr christmas this year.. hopefully i have friends to spend it with haha. but its mostly for my collection of photos when i go overseas to study.. most likely down under haha.. if only i cud get it an start collecting an do a mini scrapbook for when i go.. even so... i would only get to see pictures instead of hugging or seeing the people in person.. i would most likely miss my parents the most cuz i need mum's cooking.. even tho i dont eat all the time at home i still want to smell the food she cooks.. im gonna miss my dad's funny comments when he watches soccer.. haha.. ouh and i wont be able to eat jap food with him also.. gosh im already going to tear up..
well i just hope its going to be a productive time overseas.. will b missing everyone. haha.. esp my closest friends.. gah! okayi shud stop.. and i shud get some sleep. i look like im about to faint just now.. stomach is growling louder too haha.. see ya'll soon.
ps. i know my posts are random but kinda boring too haha
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
{ 9:33 PM }
current mood: enjoying life.
currently listening to: amaku hateshinaku by DBSK
wow.. today is kinda hectic.. stupid lor. haha.. came late to EMP.. had to do a dare.. walau. had my bra strap slapped on my shoulder.. haha. went fr freakin therapy after school.. so boring.. just sit there.. doing nth while heat and electromagnets transfered thru my body.. haha.. i did abit of EMP reading tho.. surprisingly.. with things on the way i took the bus 502 to town.. well i over slept till city hall apparently.. haha..
went home after round 830.. haha then kinda slept standing fr abit.. haha.. otw home saw weird things.. haha saw someone who looked like my friend whom i havent seen in years.. haha.. was weird.. then on the bus home saw this two african dudes in shiny tops waiting fr the bus.. i was trying to restrain my laughter in the bus since i was alone.. then.. dropped off frm the bus and saw this guy.. who looked like Syed Azmir frm anugerah.. i feel so weird.. haha dunno whether to believe or nt.. hahaha..
reached home.. did finance.. urgh theory.. haha was such a stressed moment.. but then finished.. looked thru facebook.. then saw DBSK news on the net.. kinda glad they would most prob b staying tgtr.. haha. well my posts are always boring and uneventful.. and very wordy... nvm.. i c ya'll soon..
Monday, October 26, 2009
{ 11:27 PM }
current mood: aching n sleepy
currently listening to: the only exception by paramore.
today i feel so lazy somehow.. just the thought of updating just made me feel lethargic.. i dunno if its me or if its the therapy sessions ive been going to.. its just weird cuz ive nvr been very tired n sleepy everytime i go out.. anywho.. i still have to go fr therapy tmr.. so super lazy.. aha.. school was alright i guess since i cud update during lecture haha.. went to rp after that to watch sp ruggers's final match for pol-ite games this year.. they actually did great haha... im proud of em.. but i wont be seeing most of them after this year cuz they are graduating nxt year.. kinda sad cuz they are good players haha. i miss sports..
wow.. i really do miss playing sports.. soccer, netball, and others... the adrenaline rush excites me and its what keeps me motivated to play.. having internal pains isnt smth that is fun cuz i need to execise to be healthier and not go fr stupid therapy sessions... haiz.. i miss shooting the ball into the net with the defender 3 feet infront of me.. haha.. i miss how my netball coach, ms gan screams at me when i dont get the ball in.. that kind of pressure always gives me the confidence to put in the goal.. but my appendix or what ever is on the right side of my lower abdomen is always hurting if i overwork myself or i think too much.. it kinda sucks for me cuz sports were the only thing i had growing up.. i was addicted to sports ever since i was like 4 or 5... it was like what i was supposed to do..
on the other hand.. music is also a calling for me i guess.. but then i know that im never good enough for it.. i cant play any instruments even if i tried.. i cant sing well.. but i guess some of my friends beg to differ.. one thing why i cant succeed in music is that i cant play instruments.. two. i dont have anyone to perform with.. three. i dont have any songs of my own. four. i cant really write much cuz i cant compose.. five.. im not worth having such talents.. ahaha.. well 5 main reasons why music dont do good for me either.. now i just dont know what the hell to do with my life..
maybe i'll just follow my dad's plan for me.. finish poly get a diploma.. then go australia and get a degree. come back find a stable job and save for marriage. then get married and move into new house.. then get kids and live happily with my family.. well i guess that might be the plan for me.. sometimes when my mum asks me when i plan to get married.. i always stutter to ans her.. when my dad asks me hows my studies going i always stutter too.. its just smth that is meant to wait until i have an end product to deliver to them.. guess i'll have to wait for another year..
its been a long day. and i have to get some sleep fr 8 am class tmr.. good day people.
{ 2:17 PM }
Current mood: flu-ish
Currently listening to: stupid lecture..
Im actually sitting here in lecture looking over the whole lecture hall frm the corner.. Im kinda nt really listening to the lecturer cuz its nt worth listening cuz shes boring. Haha..
looking down on my coursemates im thinking why im here.. I dont really listen and im kinda not really the kind that will always b super lazy to do stuff. Haha. But then i will still do work luhs i guess.. Dont really wanna dissappoint anyone haha..
Gotta go listen nw. Ciao.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
{ 8:00 PM }
current mood: kinda thinking.
currently listening to: shelter bye jaejoong & yoochun
its been can i say mths since ive blogged. its been hectic.. well most of it was lazy.. well ive been living under a rock half these times and ive been spending most of my time outside hanging out at the playground near my house.. its kinda sad cuz i have no were else to go. its just that my friends are always there to hangout with but then im just sitting there doing nth but stare and drink my green tea.. ive been kinda oblivious to the fact that i miss something that was almost there.. it just hit me just now when i was reading and blog hopping. reality is that im the kind of person that nvr really finishes what she started..
examples will be my school.. i dropped out of biz to go into dmc.. i dint finish what i started but im trying to finish this.. another is this wonderful guy i met in my year one of dmc.. hes very nice.. always there to talk to and always there to cheer me up.. ive been neglecting him ever since holidays started or just abit b4 that cuz im busy doing nth with my life.. i miss the times we talk and joke around.. i miss the times that we meet up to get our fav drinks at starbucks and just sit and b silly. i miss the times when i hear him playing the guitar and playing a few songs that i fancy.. i just miss hugging him whenever i see him around.. but the one thing i miss most is his goofy smile he gives me everytime he sees me.. well i cant do anything much cuz i know he might have someone there for him.. someone so much better.. he deserves someone better.. he deserves someone that will always be there to see him on stage.. to have drinks with him at starbucks and just have a laugh about everything.. to just goof around with him and hug him when ever..
i guess im fine with everything now.. life love work play.. its all good.. i do miss what i used to have but i still have to concentrate on the present.. its a good start fr me cuz its smth new.. im starting to cut down on those things that makes u have cancer.. im starting to walk around more and enjoy fresh air.. im starting to get into music again but its going to be a halfway thing for me cuz i know im not good enough.. and im starting to realise that i have to live life one step at a time to enjoy lifes goodness. maybe i should start getting myself a drink at starbucks alone.. i dont mind.. it would b kinda refreshing.
i guess life isnt supposed to be just happy endings.. its kinda like hardships and suffering and heartbreak and also death.. im beat.
Monday, May 25, 2009
{ 8:10 PM }
current mood: hyperventilating.
currently listening to: Juliette by SHINee.=)
wow. today was awesome! hahahaha. ZOMG! hahahah. today started off boring. skipped gems again sadly. haha me n sakinah were too lazy! hahaha. but then we went to eat subway in the morning. well i did sakinah just drank her bubble tea hahahha. then went fr MMR lecture. ms kwa was as usual teaching us hahaha. i was busy understanding and weiting was drawing all over my notes hahaha. nth to do that girl. kinda went fr stupid OM lecture after but i was really just doodling my notebook lor. hahaha. omg. then after lecture went to do MMR. haha. t20 was freaking hot. hahaha. then we went to t2131. no class but we were allowed to stay in and do our work. we did most of the work there luhs i think. met sarah fr abit b4 her class starts. saw him in the other room =))) hahaaha. then talk2 then after do work again. after that returned ke to ms kwa. said bye then walked to mrt to meet sakinah. hahahaha..
me and sakinah went to eat. but then the greatest thing happened to me! hahahahaha. i saw my long time crush. omg! he was wearing a white wife beater(male ver of tank top) omg really lah he looked super hot! hahahahhah i cudnt take it my heart literally stopped fr a sec haha. haha i was smiling like hell! omg i really cudnt believe it. he was super tall standing nxt to me ahaaha. but he dint say hi. i was a lil sad but then i heard that he has a gf. but i dunno haha. i dont care. hes nice anyways hahahha. but im stil smiling till now.... omg!!! hahahah okay ain. after almost a mth nvr update u blog about him haha. geez. hahaha nah im no stalker but then yeah ive been crushing on him ever since i entered sp. omg! hahahaha. cant wait to stop hyperventilating and talk to him ahahhaha.
back track to 23rd may, sat.
it was our performance at belzone me n tams. haha. it was kinda okay. ms kwa n sakinah came down to support us! omg so cool. tams parents too. i was soo happy that finally i got to perform infront of my best friends. i dedicated this one song, My Hero to my late grandfather and guess what i almost cried during performance. well tammy had to do most of the talking cuz i was just too nervous and emotional. my voicewas shaky fr the 2nd half of the 2nd song. i cud feel it. i felt good after performing esp our medly. heartbreaker n sexy back! woo! hahahaha. i added adlibs impromtu cuz i wanted to show what i cud do. well praises were just once or twice coming frm my best friends which was a lil disappointing but then again i know im not that good luhs i cried shortly after my perf cuz i was kinda taunted by my friends. they dint know but then i did burst into tears. sakinah tams comforted me. farhan and fadhli also comforted me. they sang a beautiful song fr their late grandma. i almost cried then too. omg. i just want to say a big thanks to those who came down to support us even tho u guys had busy schedules.
well i gtg. im almost crying writing about it cuz its still fresh in my mind even tho its been a year plus. i love him so much that i hope hes proud of me. see ya everyone.
